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When Cancelation is Good News

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When Cancelation is Good News       Flying is a necessary bane of my existence, but is something that has become a normal feature to my life.  The Lord in His humor had me fall in love with a Canadian woman who served the Lord in Uganda.  I didn't like flying to Florida, and if you haven't checked the map recently, Uganda is quite a bit further away.....and there is a huge ocean between the two continents.  I hated flying.  The thought of it terrified me, nearly gave me panic attacks.  But I loved Leslie.  I felt a huge part of my future had her in it.  The only way to make it work was to fly....and fly often.  Since then I've flown ten times to multiple countries.  I believe I have logged over 80,000 miles, the distance of flying around the world three times.  Flying still makes me nervous, but I've become more comfortable with the thought of it.  In my mind at least I have a woman who loves me dearly at the end of t...
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Writing Your Chapter Two: When Your Heart Starts Waking Up Again

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Writing Your Chapter Two  When Your Heart Starts Waking Up Again       Grief can feel like a long, cold, dark, lonely winter.  Life feels like it's buried under the ground by inches of frost and ice.  There are moments during the earliest stages of grief where you feel like nothing will ever grow again.  Imagine the weather changing and having to endure multiple years of unending winter.  You start to forget what spring feels like, what the warmth on your face feels like, you forget the beauty of a flower bursting forth from the soil.  That is exactly how grief felt for me.  When Tiffanie passed away a part of me died and was buried with her.  I knew there would come a day when happiness and joy would return....but for the time being it felt so foreign.  I didn't even want to seek it out.  But one of the strangest parts of grief is realizing that, one day, your heart begins to wake up again.  When new love arrives at ...
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Getting Honest with God and Your Grief

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  Getting Honest with God  and Your Grief   Psalm 62:8, Psalm 34:18, Lamentations 3:17-24, Psalm 13       I grew up on the glorious day of hot blacktop on a school playground.  Playgrounds are sort of like the Hunger Games at times.  There seems be different districts fighting for their own form of dominance on the concrete jungle.  Elementary playgrounds aren't just filled with swings, dodgeball, tetter totters, and slides.  It's also filled with insults that are flung back and forth.  One insult that was tossed out when your honesty was questioned was "Liar, liar, pants on fire."  Mic drop sound effect inserted here.  If it was an especially deep cut they would continue with hanging on a telephone wire.  There is nothing that hurts more then hearing insults, especially when your honesty is being questioned.  Sometimes maybe we did lie, other times were didn't.  But being condemned of lying is hurtful. ...
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The Brain and Grief: Mourning a Former Self

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  The Brain and Grief Mourning a Former Self Part Seven       "You're wanted in four states."  Those are not the words that you want to hear when you are standing in line at the DMV.  Let me give you a little backfill, and no, I promise you that I'm not a felon or on the lamb.  Tiff and I moved to West Virginia in 2011 and shortly after went to the DMV to change our license over.  Tiffanie's was super easy.  She walked in and within thirty minutes she had her license in hand.  Mine was a totally different story.  I went to the DMV the following day and needless to say I should have packed a lunch.  The line was LONG and people were super cranky.  I waited over three hours before they were able to take my picture.  Things seemed to be going ok except for the long wait.  But I noticed the ladies at the counter staring at the their computer and then staring at me.  They were confused.  They called me to th...
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The Brain and Grief: When Stress Floods

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  The Brain and Grief When Stress Floods Part Six       Years ago I was part of a mission's team that ventured into the deep hollers of Kentucky.  A part of my life will always love the coal fields of Appalachia.  The rolling hills, the sounds of a coal car, the slow paced life, and the sweetest people will always have a part of my heart.  This particular trip focused on helping people after one of the worst floods in state history.  The Kentucky River rose from three feet to nearly thirty eight feet.  It laid waste to several communities.  The devastation left our team speechless.  Homes were destroyed, entire trailer parks disappeared, and the terrible smell of the mud and the silt was rank in the summer air.  Our team broke up into groups, my team was assigned to evaluate the damage on a home and try to fix it.  The house was painted white, but clearly hadn't seen a new coat of paint in quite some time.  It was nes...
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Unwanted Guests

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  Unwanted Guests       Guests.  That one simple word can invoke one of two very different reactions.  Maybe you are an extrovert and you love having guests over to your home.  You have snacks, an extra meal planned, a sitting room that is designed to make people feel welcome.  The thought of a visitor almost makes your heart flutter with joy and anticipation.  You can't wait to show them your home, to talk about a variety of different subjects, and to hear their heart.  That was my house growing up.  My parents would often hold social events in which friends and family would come by.  In my teen years I almost always had someone over.  My house felt like a lighthouse to guests, they naturally wanted to come and pick up their feet for a 'spell.'  I would label my house as a sort of 'front porch' where people could take a load off and just 'chew the cud.'  Then there is a second group.  A group of people that...
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The Brain and Grief: When Joy Fades

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  The Brain and Grief When Joy Fades Part Five       The year 2020 was one that was worth forgetting for most of the world.  We wore masks, socially distanced, sat on front porches far from our family, we all became home school parents, and feelings were at an all time high.  Covid hit each family differently.  For some families it was more political, others more personal, but no matter what, Covid's long reaching arm touched each person.  Covid hit our home in December 2020.  Tragedy had already hit our family with the passing of my father in law.  He was one of the most influential men that I ever met.  He loved the Lord and cared deeply about his family.  It especially affected my late wife Tiffanie.  His passing was a shock.  Her emotions and body were already worn thin, and the night of his funeral she started to feel sick.  It didn't take long to realize that it was Covid.  It hit her HARD.  It l...
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