Sons of the Shepherd

  Being a Burden Bearer       There are common traits among men worldwide, and one of those traits is that we view carrying groceries into the house as if it were a challenge.  We pull into our driveway, open the trunk, and there sits 31 bags of groceries.  Challenge accepted.  We started throwing our arms through the holes in the plastic bags, pulling them further and further up, almost to our elbow, refusing any assistance because, well, we are men.  You can feel the plastic bag dig into your skin, the heavy gallon of milk is at the mercy of the fragile bag, the once perfectly formed loaf of bread is now flat, your eggs...well, let's not talk about the condition of the eggs.  The bananas are bruised, the pain is high, but we can do it because gosh darn it we are men, and men carry 31 bags of groceries.  We balance it all with the strength of Samson and the agility of a well trained mountain goat.  Our keys dangle from our mouths, ...

I’ll Go Where You Want Me to Go     Two years ago today, Tiff shared a Facebook update after chemo treatment number seven.  Tiff and I regularly shared updates about her cancer journey.  We agreed that we didn't want to waste the hurt and pain that we were suffering through.  Together we asked God to prepare our hearts to use this horrible situation for His good and glory.  We understood what the future probably held.  100% of the people that had the type of cancer Tiff had passed away.  That didn't stop us from praying for the "Noah" sized miracle, but we also knew in the depths of our hearts, that barring the miracle, Tiff would go home to be with the Lord.  We were living in a very strange tension at the moment.  We were walking through each day balancing good news, bad news, and no news.  Our hope became deeper because suddenly it had been mixed with heartbreak.  Our gratitude was now mixed with disappointment.   ...

They Don’t Understand My Grief— and I’m Thankful for That       I'm sure that each of us had a subject in school that we weren't very fond of.  It was probably a subject that no matter how hard you worked at, it just didn't seem to make sense.  My subject was math.  I always said that math stood for mental abuse to humans.  It wasn't that I didn't try or work hard.  I spent so much time being tutored and repeating step after step, but I never seemed to understand.  For some of you it was science, English, or maybe even a foreign language class (don't get me started on my three years of French class).         I honestly believe that there are some things that people just won't understand, or at least until they experience it personally.  Grief is one of those things.  Grief can only have true empathy from someone who has, or is walking in it.  I took classes on counseling people through grief, I bought ...

A Card With Nowhere to Go         Holidays are meant to be exciting and filled with anticipation.  There is a rush in counting down until the big day came.  Holidays aren't meant to be marred with tears and sadness.  They aren't meant to be hurtful but instead to be helpful.  Most of us look at the calendar and have dates circled in red and make plans to celebrate.  The grieving person probably has those same dates circled and they also are making plans....but those plans are probably more like survival versus celebration.  Instead of a countdown to something exciting it becomes almost like a time bomb counting backwards waiting for the explosion of hurt and pain.  A reminder of what was lost, not what is.  Holidays are just heavier for the person who has lost a spouse.  They feel the pressure of the world around them.  They see people buying cards and gifts.  They hear the laughter, they see the smiles, and the...

  Sometimes God Answers No       There are a lot of things that I miss about Tiffanie, things that I'm pretty confident that will never be satisified on this side of heaven the way that they were on earth, things that only heaven can fulfill.  Things that are distinct, memories forever etched in my mind that will make me smile and laugh.  One of them was Tiff's love of childrens music. Children's ministry ran through Tiff's veins.  She was created by God to reach children with the Gospel, and one of those ways was song.  She would lead chapels and teach the children songs like 'Salvation', "Inch by Inch", 'God's Power', etc.  I can still picture her singing Jesus love is sweet and wonderful and leading the hand motions, or Baa Baa He's the Good Shepherd.  But the song that comes to mind the most is a song about prayer.  It goes like this, 'Sometimes God answers yes when I pray, sometimes God answers wait when I pray, sometimes God a...

Missing Identity Through the Male Lens        There are many things we lose as widows and widowers that go far beyond the obvious loss of our spouse, we also lose parts of our "identity."       What I’m focusing on here is what men lose in relation to our roles as husbands and fathers. Too often, men adopt the mindset of “just get over it and move forward as quietly as possible” for the sake of masculinity or societal pressure tied to assumed roles and expectations. We hear phrases like “take it like a man” or “feelings are for girls,” but nothing could be further from the truth. Men experience the same full range of human emotion, love, happiness, sorrow, and pain, both physical and emotional just as deeply as women do. The difference is that while it is publicly acceptable for women to show emotion, men’s emotions are often ignored, devalued, or simply less acknowledged.       This mindset has been ingrained in us for ge...