Unwanted Guests

 Unwanted Guests

      Guests.  That one simple word can invoke one of two very different reactions.  Maybe you are an extrovert and you love having guests over to your home.  You have snacks, an extra meal planned, a sitting room that is designed to make people feel welcome.  The thought of a visitor almost makes your heart flutter with joy and anticipation.  You can't wait to show them your home, to talk about a variety of different subjects, and to hear their heart.  That was my house growing up.  My parents would often hold social events in which friends and family would come by.  In my teen years I almost always had someone over.  My house felt like a lighthouse to guests, they naturally wanted to come and pick up their feet for a 'spell.'  I would label my house as a sort of 'front porch' where people could take a load off and just 'chew the cud.'  Then there is a second group.  A group of people that hear the word guest and they become panicky, uncomfortable.  Everything that I just said about about guests is probably making them feel anxious and nervous.  The thought of company doesn't sound very appealing.  They would prefer for their home to be a sacred space just for family and the occasional visitor.  But guests that just stop by out of the blue...not so much.  Those two groups of people might be very different, but neither of them are right or wrong.  We are all gifted differently.  Some of us are more extroverted, others more introverted.  Some are social butterflies, others are more quiet and to themselves.  Both are honorable because they are both made by God.

      But there are certain guests that we need to be weary of.  There are times when the guests that we welcome into our home have ill intent.  They come in with a smile, but these guests are already creating tension just because of their arrival.  They have an ulterior motive other then that of simply chatting.  They have come to 'leech' off of us, to take advantage of our kindness, to ask us for something.  These are the guests that you look out the peephole and debate on letting them in.  These are the guests that you tell your kids to be quiet in hopes that the people on the front porch go away.  These are the guests that the tool of a ring doorbell comes in handy.  At the end of the day there are certain visitors that we simply do not want to invite into our homes.  We don't' want people that will hurt or harm us.  It reminds me of Bilbo Baggins keeping well wishers away from Bag End. In those moments it's better to keep the door locked. Scratch that, double locked.

      And yet there are certain guests that each of us welcome into our home more often then we would like to admit.  We practically throw out the red carpet for them and each time that we let them in they quickly make their presence known.  They are destructive and abusive.  And yet time and time again we welcome them as if they were long lost friends or bosom buddies.  We know it's going to end poorly, but we do little to nothing about it.  I remember two frequent guests that stopped by often while Tiffanie was battling cancer.  They took up more time and demanded more of me during those ten months, but as far as as I can remember they invaded my home....even as far back as five years old.  They are my oldest companions.  Take that back, my oldest enemies.

      Who are these friends slash foes that I speak of?  I'm quite familiar with them and I assure you, they are quite familiar with me.  Their names are fear and worry.  Dramatic sound effect inserted here.  I wish I could tell you that I've been able to ask them to depart from my life, but time and time again I find fear and anxiety sitting comfortably in my heart and mind.  All too often I listen to their voices, and I listen for far too long.  As often as they visit I might as well invite them to forward their mail to my address.  Let me be transparent with you, I hate these guests.  These guests have stolen from me, abused me, lied to me, created countless sleepless nights, raised my heart rate, damaged my self worth, and have drained me dry.  I let them in, hoping that it might just be a quick visit, a one night stay.  A matter of fact all they simply ask for when they knock is just for a few seconds of my time, but alas, they quickly become squatters.  Let me share with you a biography of each one so you can get to know them.  Or maybe you are already familiar with them because they aren't in my house, they are in yours.

      Let's start with fear.  Fear is a terrible friend to be named, and yet often indeed he does become a friend.  He becomes a friend typically not by invading his way into our lives, nor does he always knock loudly.  Sometimes he knocks quietly.  Other times we wake up and somehow he is already there despite receiving no invitation at all.  It's a shock to find him as comfortable as he is.  It's almost as if he has a key and takes up space in each square inch of our house.  There is no place where we can hide from him.  His voice is usually that of a whisper, but other times he can be so incredibly loud.  He's predictably unpredictable.  There are times when I go to bed at night and he is there pulling the covers close to my face.  Other times he is there when I go to the kitchen to make breakfast, greeting me before the rays of sun have ever crossed the horizon.  He tells stories.  Does he ever tell stories.  He can weave a yarn a mile long.  His embellishments are known far and wide.  He takes the truth and makes it turn upside down, creating a hard divide between fact and fiction.  He has mastered blurring those lines.  And as he tells me his lies and an audience of one gathers at his feet...the audience is me.  I listen intently as he tells me that which is not true, and I listen, I pay attention, and tragically, I believe him.  After a time it's hard to deny the tune that he sings.  O' it's not beautiful by any means.  It's off pitch, no melody or harmony, and it's not what I want to hear, and yet I believe him.  Fear says let's do that which is safe and if it requires faith, then it must not be worth doing.  Fear is a dangerous companion because he often mixes truth with his exaggerations.  He can even sound reasonable.  What he typically says comes from a voice that sounds compassionate, like it has your best interests at hand.  But overtime the conversation, which initially was shared equally between he and me became him only speaking.  He puts his cold arm around me, and tells me things like I'm not enough or that I'm not brave enough or that my faith is too small to rise up.  He comforts me while defeating me.  He befriends me while putting the proverbial knife in my back.

      Once fear is given allowance he will almost certainly introduce his twin, worry.  He will state something like this, 'let me introduce you to a friend that often travels with me.  He sees things that I don't always notice.'  Worry can go by another name, anxiety.  Anxiety is more of a friend that I would like to admit to you.  We have a deep relationship...a complicated one, though the relationship shouldn't be complicated at all.  He is on my speed dial.  Anxiety has beaten me with the whip of his chastisement.  It never comforts me, it never encourages me, it never smiles or laughs.  That's actually not true.  Worry does indeed laugh and smile.  He laughs at my misfortune, he smiles at my pain.  He takes glee in that.  O' how I loathe this unwelcome guest.  To me anxiety is louder then fear.  He pounds at the door incessantly.  Almost to the point where the door is ready to burst at it's hinges.  Let me in he screams, and though I know the abuse that he will bring, I ashamedly welcome this guest in, asking him to take off his shoes, which he never does.  He does the opposite of what I ask him.  He wears those muddy, dirty shoes through my whole house.  He leaves tracks everywhere he goes.  The mud and dirt have come from the times that I have conceded inches, feet, miles to him.  Anxiety makes the heart race, but never in a good way.  There are times when the heart races in a good way.  Ways like a first kiss, leading someone to Christ, the birth of a first born child, Tiffanie and I's wedding day, each time I fly out to see Leslie, or watching your team win the big game.  Those are moments when the heart races with excitement and anticipation.  But anxiety doesn't work that way, no sir.  Instead worry makes the heart race to the point where it feels sick and weak.  To the moment where is robs us of our sleep.  Worry invites along his ugly cousin named panic, another member of this unruly family that I know all too well.  Anxiety is a welcome guest become my family welcomed him when I was young.  He still resides at that address too.  I fear that he will eventually find comfort in the lives of my children because tragically my children have seen the presence of this unwanted guests far too often.  Worry says 'let's examine this situation' but not with the intention of finding out what could go right or what joy can be found, but instead he quickly mines out every possible disaster that the mind can create, some almost seemingly beyond what the mind can create.  He sees the worst in things, the scariest possible outcomes, and he puts a hyper focus on them.  Worry isn't only successful at lying, but he is also a kleptomaniac, a thief.  He's a thief because he steals joy and happiness, and he sells them at such a low exchange rate that we are left with only anxiety and a troubled heart.

      Why do I allow them in?  That is a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, with a bow called a riddle.  I think the primary reason I allow them into my life unchallenged is because when they first come in they don't show their true intentions.  They tell us that they will treat me like a friend and what they want is what's best for me.  An example would be that fear would tell you "I'm only keeping you safe."  Safe sounds nice doesn't it.  And worry, he also tells you, "let's think over every possible outcome so that you won't be surprised and be totally prepared."  Again, this sounds like someone who deeply cares.  They don't look like enemies, they act like protectors, like body guards.  I think another way they invade the spaces of our hearts and souls is simply because they don't take up immediate residency.  They are crafty, experts at what they do.  They don't take a mile, they will be content with an inch.  They have the long victory mind set, the death by a thousand cuts.  They are patient.  Eventually they tell you one of the greatest lies of all time, that they are indispensable, that you could never possibly live without them.

      Again, why haven't I thrown them out.  To be honest, I have thrown them out, many times.  I have yelled at them, cursed them, I have thrown them out on their ear.  One would assume that they would get the hint and never come back.  They must not be able to read the signs that I have posted on the front porch telling them that they are no longer welcome.  I have even gone as far as removing the door knocker, unwired the door bell, keep the shades tightly drawn, and even put screws into the door.  And yet they come back.  So what conclusion can I come to with these two ancient foes?  How do I get rid of them?  I would tell you things like prayer, reading your Bible, and community of God's people, and they are all effective tools to prevent their entrance, BUT I think the most powerful way to expunge them from our lives is to invite another guest into our home.  For me, this guest is always there, but much to my shame when fear and worry speaks I tend to listen to them more often then my other guest.  This other guest is a genuine friend.  He came to me at my worst moment, when I was lower then low.  He has shown at all seasons of life an unending love despite me doing nothing to earn it or deserve it.  He has never failed me, He has held me tenderly, He knows every tear that I cry and have ever cried.  Yet another beautiful truth as this guest is that He laid His life down for me.  That is how measureless His love is for me, and for you too.  He took my guilt and shame upon Himself.  He paid for all the wicked and bad things that I have ever done.  This guest's name is Jesus.

      Jesus has a lot to say about fear and worry.  First He dispels the authority that fear has on our lives.  He speaks gently to His children, but o' the wrath that he has for those who harm His children.  He speaks with power and makes His enemies tremble and shake.  He tells His children that He has not given them a spirit of fear.  Basically what He's saying is that He doesn't want fear anywhere in our life, let alone in the driver's seat.  He yells at fear, and then He looks back at me, changing His tone, telling me that fear wasn't His invention nor His creation.  He tells me that fear has no place in my life and that it shouldn't take up one inch of space.  He says this is not of me, and if it is not of me, it should not be of you either.  Fear quivers like a beaten animal.  he slinks back into the dark abysmal corner from which is came.  But what about our other unwanted guests, what about worry?  Jesus speaks often against this thorn, this weed that chokes life out of us.  He said in Matthew 6:25, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life."  He simply tells us not to worry, those words ring true but are hard to apply.  I've quoted those words, sometimes even to the face of anxiety itself.  But I am not always good at living those words out.  The shortest verses in the Bible are often the hardest to put into practice.  But it's not just, 'don't worry' but He also digs deeper into the subject knowing how dangerous this enemy can be.  He asks, 'can anyone of you by worryign add a single day to your life?'  The obvious answer is no.  You can't worry yourself to a better tomorrow.  Worry isn't an addition tool, instead it's a subtraction tool.  It doesn't add hours to our lives, it takes away years.  Jesus then goes on to tell us that tomorrow has enough worries of it's own, so why worry about tomorrow.  He makes me examine my complicated relationship with worry and asks me, gently, 'has any good come form listen to him (worry)?  Has he comforted you?  Made you feel better?  Has he brought about a better version of yourself?"  Worry and I both hang our heads, but for different reasons.  I hang my head in shame because I've given space to worry.  Worry though hangs his head in defeat, knowing He doesn't have a reply.
      So, I wake each day to fight these two foes, to break the cycle, and I do it in Jesus name.  I know that He must increase and I must decrease, and the less of me there is in my life, the less space there is for fear and worry.  Fear and worry cannot fill a home that is filled with His glorious presence.  So today, and each day going forward, I purposefully will wake up each day, seeking first His kingdom, His presence, His voice, His leadership.  When I give more space to him, there is less space for fear and worry.  What about you?  Grief has amplified the voices of those two enemies.  Maybe you are reading this and you have allowed them to sit at your banqueting hall for far too long.  You have allowed them to eat your food, shower in your bathroom, wear your clothes, watch your tv, and rob your sleep.  Are you fed up?  If you are, talk with Jesus.  Tell Him your burdens and cares.  Trust Him with each passing moment, and let His presence fill your home.