Sons of the Shepherd

 More Than a Backpack       I hate when the school supplies start getting displayed at the store.  It's not that I don't want my kids to go back to school, if anything I am thankful when they do get to go back.  I work from home which means that work becomes way more complicated in the summer months.  I treasure the time with my kids, and we make the most of every moment, but I'm ready for them to go back.  They might not be ready, but I'm counting down the days until they get back in the classroom.  No, the reason why I hate school supplies is that it reminds me of the amputation of losing my wife.  The aisles are filled with backpacks, lunch boxes, pencils, folders, glue sticks, and crayons. Parents are making lists. Kids are picking out the backpack they want to carry for the next nine months. Teachers are preparing their classrooms. Stores are advertising sales.   It is supposed to be an exciting time of year.   ...

  Writing Your Chapter Two Introducing Someone New        Did you ever have a moment in life where you wish you could redo something?  Hit the rewind and go back in time.  There are countless examples in sports, none probably as memorable as a missed field goal during Super Bowl XXV.  The Buffalo Bills were pitted against the New York Giants.  The two teams had very different styles.  The Bills were an offensive machine, scoring the most points in the NFL that year.  The Giants were the exact opposite.  They were stalwarts on defensive, keeping teams to the lowest amount of points scored.  It was a slugfest with both heavy weights throwing punches at each other.  Two minutes remained in the game and the Bills were trailing 20-19.  Bills kicker Scott Norwood entered the game to kick a 47 yard, seemingly game winning field goal.  The audience was at a hush as Norwood booted it with all his might, but sailing w...

  The Brain and Grief Social Disconnection Part Four       We live in a rapid, fast pace world of information.  We have long forgotten the days of dial up internet (I remember the good old days and the ring tone as you connected), when you were only able to talk on your cell phone for free certain hours of the day, you were limited in your texting, and when we used a phone that was connected to the wall (gasp and shock).  I vividly remember my grandfather having a rotary dial phone on his wall for many years.  You would drag the circular area and pull it to the desired number.  Imagine texting on that bad boy.  We are a connected society and complain when our connectivity disappears.  Recently I was visiting Zanzibar on a vacation.  There was a tense election that resulted in the country shutting down all internet and cell phone service for a week.  People were panicking at the resort (to be fair with you, so was I).  Peo...

When Grief Has No One To Sit With: Part II       I can vividly remember during my first winter without Tiffanie, sitting on the edge of my bed, scrolling through my phone's contact list.  My contact list is quite long, well over 1000 people.  I had plenty of names.  Names of people who cared.  And yet I didn't call anyone or text anyone.  Not because I didn't need them, but because grief has a way of convincing you that your pain is something that you should carry alone.  That needing friendship is a weakness, that silence is safer.  Grief can be a great teacher, but it can also be a great liar.  Friends are needed in each season, but never more greatly than the season of grief.       Without deep friendships, grief becomes internalized, it compounds, it spreads almost as if it was out of control. Pain has nowhere to go. Questions echo unanswered. Faith can feel distant when no one helps carry it.   Solomon ...

When Grief Has No One to Sit With       One of my least favorite things to do in the entire world is moving.  I can't believe that in the next five months our family will be moving again.  I swore we would never have to lug any heavy furniture ever again, but alas here we are.  Moving is a task that is way too big to be done alone.  If you're interested in helping me move at the end of May let me know, just kidding, actually not kidding!  Grief likewise was never meant to be carried alone. And yet, for many widowers, loneliness is not just a side effect of loss, it becomes a second loss layered on top of the first.   When a wife dies, a man doesn’t just lose his spouse. He often loses his primary emotional confidant, his daily companion, the one person who knew the weight he carried and helped him hold it. For widowers who already lacked deep friendships, grief becomes heavier, quieter, and far more isolating.       My f...

Challenges of Being a  Young Widower       I served on the stage crew during my time in high school.  I was never one to be on stage to sing and dance.  Theater wasn't my cup of tea, but I loved being behind the scenes to watch how the play actually worked.  You had to move different scenes around, placing them exactly where they needed to be.  You only had a few moments after the curtain fell to get everything in place.  This blog post takes you behind the scenes of what a young widower endures after his wife passes away.  This is going to be raw and might make you feel a little uncomfortable.  There is a .3% chance of becoming a widower before the age of 40.  It is so rare that it rivals the odds of getting struck by lightning. Since it's rare no one prepares for it, no one talks about, and no one is prepared to address it.       There is a particular kind of disorientation that comes with becoming a widower at...