Sons of the Shepherd

  Unwanted Guests       Guests.  That one simple word can invoke one of two very different reactions.  Maybe you are an extrovert and you love having guests over to your home.  You have snacks, an extra meal planned, a sitting room that is designed to make people feel welcome.  The thought of a visitor almost makes your heart flutter with joy and anticipation.  You can't wait to show them your home, to talk about a variety of different subjects, and to hear their heart.  That was my house growing up.  My parents would often hold social events in which friends and family would come by.  In my teen years I almost always had someone over.  My house felt like a lighthouse to guests, they naturally wanted to come and pick up their feet for a 'spell.'  I would label my house as a sort of 'front porch' where people could take a load off and just 'chew the cud.'  Then there is a second group.  A group of people that...

  The Brain and Grief When Joy Fades Part Five       The year 2020 was one that was worth forgetting for most of the world.  We wore masks, socially distanced, sat on front porches far from our family, we all became home school parents, and feelings were at an all time high.  Covid hit each family differently.  For some families it was more political, others more personal, but no matter what, Covid's long reaching arm touched each person.  Covid hit our home in December 2020.  Tragedy had already hit our family with the passing of my father in law.  He was one of the most influential men that I ever met.  He loved the Lord and cared deeply about his family.  It especially affected my late wife Tiffanie.  His passing was a shock.  Her emotions and body were already worn thin, and the night of his funeral she started to feel sick.  It didn't take long to realize that it was Covid.  It hit her HARD.  It l...

  The Financial Fiasco:  The Cost No One Talks About       I was recently having coffee with a widower and we were recalling some of the things we never expected after losing our spouse.  One of the things he said was  "Nobody told me grief would be expensive."  Finances is one of the quiet areas where loss sneaks up on you.  One of the reason why is that you don’t plan on losing your spouse.  You take a 'death do us part' vow, but we never really think about someone actually passing away.  To complicate matters is that the grieving person isn't thinking clearly.  They are not running on all cylinders, but despite that fact they are asked to make major financial decisions, typically alone.  These conversations are hard enough when a man is at his best, but post losing a spouse he is at his worst.  He can barely remember where he parked his car, let alone being asked to pay out thousands upon thousands of dollars....

  The Brain and Grief Social Disconnection Part Four       We live in a rapid, fast pace world of information.  We have long forgotten the days of dial up internet (I remember the good old days and the ring tone as you connected), when you were only able to talk on your cell phone for free certain hours of the day, you were limited in your texting, and when we used a phone that was connected to the wall (gasp and shock).  I vividly remember my grandfather having a rotary dial phone on his wall for many years.  You would drag the circular area and pull it to the desired number.  Imagine texting on that bad boy.  We are a connected society and complain when our connectivity disappears.  Recently I was visiting Zanzibar on a vacation.  There was a tense election that resulted in the country shutting down all internet and cell phone service for a week.  People were panicking at the resort (to be fair with you, so was I).  Peo...

The Grief Fallout The Ripple of Loss         The Pacific Theater of World War II was entering its  fourth year.  The conflict was intense.  Battle was fought in the worst conditions and soldiers often fought for inches, not miles.  The cost for the United States was over 110,000 men.  Meanwhile Japan lost an estimated 2 million soldiers.  The conflict seemed destined to go on forever.  That is until August of 1945.  The United States dropped two nuclear bombs, one named Little Boy, the other named Fat Man.  The cities that felt the wrath of those two nuclear bombs were Hiroshima and Nagasaki. In an instant, entire sections of those cities were vaporized. Buildings disappeared. Streets were reshaped. Lives were ended.   But the most haunting reality was not only what was destroyed in the immediate blast.   It was what came after.       The explosion did not stop at the center point of impa...

  The Brain and Grief The Great Hijacking Part Three       I'm a sucker for old Western movies.  There is something special about watching a cowboy chase down an outlaw.  There's nothing better then watching Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Jimmy Stewart, or Henry Fonda.  The Magnificent Seven and Tombstone will always stand as some of my all time favorite pieces of cinema.  The music, the scenery, and the stories are all captivating.  But my absolute favorite part of a western movie involves trains.  I love old steam engines.  The sound of the train chugging along the tracks and the loud whistle coming from the engine draws me in every time.  Sometimes there's money on the train and the outlaws need to hijack the it in order to get the loot.  You can picture the scene.  The outlaws are in the distance, tracking the train, and then all of a sudden they rush down on their horses.  The horse is covered with sweat and fr...

  Right There Waiting For You       Grief likes to ambush you.  What does that phrase 'grief ambush' mean?  It means that you can be doing something in the normal routine of life, something so predictable and mundane, and then out of the blue grief just tackles you or attacks you like a mugger on the street.  Grief ambushes leave you feeling vulnerable, unsure, and fearful.  Grief ambushes can be ugly, but they can also be beautiful because they remind you of something beautiful, something you probably haven't thought of in quite some time. I had a grief ambush yesterday.  I was sitting in a doctor’s waiting room yesterday just watching Facebook reels.  There was a sweet black man sitting across from me singing hymns.  He had a Jesus loves me hat on.   And then a song came on.   “Right Here Waiting For You.”   It hit me before I even had time to prepare for it.       Now, much to the su...

"A Lamp to My Feet" A Daily Point to Ponder from the Bible by Pastor Dennis Whitmore      When you're in a valley, it's hard to see anything that's over the wall.  If the obstacle is a mountain before you, it's hard to imagine being out of the valley and over on the other side. "My soul melts from heaviness: Strengthen me according to Your Word. Remove from me the way of lying, And grant me your Law graciously. I have chosen the way of truth;  Your judgments I have laid before me." Psalm 119:28-30        The line that jumps out to me is: "Remove me from the way of lying.  You probably skip right past that one; you're not a liar.  Right?  Can't be you.  Take a long look at this whole passage again.  The way of lying is only known to you and the Lord.  Because it's been your way.  If you are open to Him, the Holy Spirit will reveal to you the way you've been lying to yourself.       If God has b...

  The Brain and Grief: Navigating the Fog Part Two       The night of January 24th, 2024 will always be etched in my mind.  We should have been celebrating my son's oldest birthday, instead Tiffanie was being transported by ambulance to the York Hospital because of the amount of fluid that was building up on her heart.  That was the first domino that would fall that would lead to her passing ten months later.  It would also be the first day that grief would become a normal part of my vernacular.  I vividly remember that night.  Tiff was in the ambulance and she sent me home to pick up a few items from the house.  I remember calling people frantically, crying, hurting, and having an overflow of emotions.  I then had to drive over an hour to the hospital.  The drive was up mountain roads that I was unfamiliar with.  The fog was so thick.  I couldn't make out what was in front of me.  The road was still there, the s...