When Happily Ever After
isn't very Happy
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
My wife and I enjoyed fourteen wonderful years together. They were almost fairytale-like at times. During the Spring of 2023, we were offered a position to become the director and assistant director of our dream ministry. We would be returning home to reach thousands of children with the Gospel. For my wife, this was an especially big deal because she felt adrift. She had been trying to get a job but wasn't able to find the right fit. Plus, the ministry that we would be joining was her first love in ministry. It was the place where she surrendered her heart to full-time Christian service, and it was also the place where we fell in love. Everything was great, until it wasn't. It started with a cough that didn't get better. A trip to the ER landed us in the hospital, only to find out she had an advanced stage four colon cancer that spread to her lungs. That diagnosis was basically a death sentence. 100% of people who got that cancer died from that cancer. Zero people got better. All of this happened two weeks after we moved into our dream home. We were finally making enough money to plan for our future. All of that came crashing down. She bravely fought the cancer for ten months, never complaining. My happily ever after ended when my wife went home to be with Jesus on November 25th, 2024. The storybook ending stopped so abruptly.
When we say "I do," we picture a future that was supposed to last a lifetime. No serious couple gets married only for the present. You envision decades of your life with this person. It's like a dream come true! We believed that everything would be happily ever after, just like the stories promised. No fairy tale included cancer, and it certainly didn't end with the death of a spouse. But then life shifted. The one you loved is no longer by your side, and the script you imagined feels torn apart. Your happily ever after doesn't feel very happy. This isn't what you envisioned. This isn't what you wanted. You were never prepared for your dreams to turn into the worst real life nightmares.
As widowers, we carry a unique grief. It's a rarer grief, especially if we are young. We are literally a footnote in the realm of statistics. We are in the camp of people who could say, "it wasn't supposed to turn out this way." The silence in our hearts feels heavier than what words can speak or pen can write. Moments that used to be filled with laughter are silent. Plans now echo with reminders of what was supposed to be and of what is now lost. That feeling of grief and loss makes our hearts ache, leading us to wonder if we'll ever find joy again, or if the happily ever after was just a cruel illusion.
But God reminds us that our story doesn't end here. This broken chapter isn't the whole book; there is still much more to be written. Our Psalm for today tells us that the Lord is near to the brokenhearted, not distant, not indifferent, not aloof, but near. Read that again. If your heart is broken, and odds are if you are reading this devotion, your heart is broken, then God is near to you. You might not feel it right now, but He promises you His nearness. He sees the unseen tears. He knows the long nights when sleep is elusive. He knows when we sit beside gravesides weeping. He knows when we have to pull off the side of the road because a song came on the radio that brought up a memory. He knows when we lock the bathroom door just to secretly weep. And God isn't ashamed of our questions or our pain.
Happily ever after in this world is fragile. It almost feels like a pipe dream at times. Through life experience, we understand that the story can change with one breath. Death, loss, and sorrow remind us that this world is not our final home. Yet as believers, we are promised a joy and a hope that death CANNOT touch. The truest happily ever after was never meant for earth; it's not written here. But instead it's meant for heaven, a place where every tear will be wiped away, where we will be united with Christ, and have a reunion with those who have gone on before us. We mourn empty chairs on earth because they are vacant. But heaven has a different perspective. Empty chairs in heaven are exciting because that means someone is coming home soon to fill those chairs.
Until then, God offers us His daily grace. He teaches us that even in loss, there can still be moments of beauty. He reminds us that there are still chapters to be written and that your story isn't over. He also gives us moments of beauty through the kindness of friends, a sunrise that reminds us that His faithfulness is new each morning, or possibly a memory that makes us think about our loved one. While it might not feel like 'ever after' right now, it can be ever faithful.
Reflection questions:
1. In what ways has God shown Himself close to you
in your grief?
2. How can you reframe your idea of happily ever
after to reflect eternity with Christ?
3. What small evidences of God's faithfulness can
you thank Him for today?
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