Two Turtle Doves

TWO TURTLE DOVES

Permission to Feel Both Joy and Sorrow

“We are sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.”

 — 2 Corinthians 6:10

      My favorite number is the number 13.  That might sound like an odd favorite number since 13 is often viewed with superstition but that was my jersey number when I played little league.  Most people have favorite numbers, some of them are so convinced that there number is lucky that they gamble or look for some mystical meaning behind it.  I have a least favorite number, the number two.  Two represents friendship, togetherness, it is the light that is shed on loneliness.  I loved being two.  Scripture speaks that two are better than one.  When person loses their spouse they lose their right arm, they lose their best friend, they lost their identity. I can’t wait to be part of a duo again, to be a pair.

      The song now takes us to the turtle doves.  The two turtle doves picture a pair—unity, companionship, peace. But for many grieving , Christmas highlights the absence of someone they once held close.  Christmas seems to magnify every human emotion.  Typically those emotions are happiness, joy, peace, and excitement.....but grief can also be stimulated during this holiday season.  It is a stark reminder of what used to be.  Last Christmas was my first without her.  Things like decorating, cooking, school plays, social gatherings, and just plain existing were hard.

      These two doves represent something else too: the dual emotions grief creates. It’s possible to laugh one minute and cry the next. To love Christmas and dread it at the same time. To miss someone deeply but feel a flicker of joy when you least expect it.  Those emotions can change often and frequently.  Last Christmas I found myself laughing to the point that I was crying and then a second later I'm locked in my bathroom with the blow dryer on to muffle the sound of my tears.  There was less then a five minute difference between happy tears and grief tears.  Grief is so sneaky and unpredictable.  It's also hard because different people think you should react in different ways.  There are people who think you should always be crying and that happiness means you've moved on.  And then there are people who see you crying and wondering why you haven't made any head way.  Grief is a complex emotion, one without instructions, and one only understood by those walking the same journey.

      But my friends I want to remind you of something this Christmas season, you don’t have to choose one dove or the other. Grief is two-winged: sorrow and joy, memory and hope, longing and gratitude. God is big enough to hold both.  Those things can co-exist together.  It's ok to feel conflicted.  It's ok to cry and want to stay in bed.  It's ok to want to laugh and smile.  Maybe you are reading this and you aren't grieving, let me request of you to be extra graceful to the person you know who is struggling, maybe secretly.  Listen to them and love them.

Reflection:

Where have you experienced a mix of emotions lately? How can you give yourself permission to feel both?

Prayer:

Lord, thank You for allowing me to feel more than one thing at a time. Hold the tension with me.