Sons of the Shepherd

 Son's of the Shepherd

A Ministry Birthed from Pain

Why This Widowers Ministry Exists

      Grief.  That single word has become normal to my vernacular the past fourteen months.  Grief isn't a word that you want to become a part of your regular speech.  Grief implies loss, sorrow, mourning, death, and the ultimate price that is paid for loving someone so much.  Typically the depth of grief is equal to the depth of love that we shared for that person.  My person was Tiffanie Robinson, my sweet brown eyed girl.  I loved Tiffanie with all my heart.  I pursued her for months until we became boyfriend and girlfriend, and then engaged, and then married.  I will never forget that she saved her first ever kiss for me!  We served the Lord together for fourteen glorious years. God blessed us with three wonderful children and a yappy, but cute little dog.  WE had a picture perfect marriage in a lot of ways.  We were unwaverly faithful, committed to the end, and loved each other with a rare story book type of love.  But sadly our fairy tale story didn't have the ending that we expected, it ended in her meeting Jesus at the age of 37 after a brave and courageous battle with cancer.  Her cancer battle and death changed something in me.  It broke not only my heart but it broke open my soul.  It has changed my identity and given me a purpose that I've never had prior.  God gave me a burning in my bones, an ache in my heart, and a burden in my soul.

      Tiff and I were teammates, partners in ministry.  We regularly would spend 24 hours together.  We worked together, lived together, drove together, loved together, did life together, and pursued, Jesus together.  When she died it was like an amputation.  I sought out help and counseling but found few who understood my grief and heartache.  It is so rare to become a widower at the age of forty.  It's just not supposed to happen.  Never in your worst nightmare could you envision a story of losing your spouse when they are still vibrant, young, and full of life.  I felt so alone.  I felt like a soldier sitting in a foxhole fighting a battle all alone.  I had a lot of people cheering for me, loving me, encouraging me, and counseling me.....but no one who could look me in the eye and say I understand you, I've been there, let me show you how to fight this battle.  Instead I felt the cold war of my soul against depression, doubt, fear, and anxiety.  I could hear the 'gunfire', I could smell the dirt, and yet no one could hear my cry in the night.  Jesus never left me, He was, is, and always will be faithful.  But in many ways I felt like I had to army crawl across the battlefield of grief alone, trying to avoid the landmines, trying to navigate life while also trying to rebuild it at the same time.

      I looked for resources for widowers.  I googled Christian ministry for widowers.  I encourage you to do that.  The results will probably be startling to you.  There is one in all of North America.  For all the 4.5 million widowers there is one Gospel centered, Biblically based, Christ honoring outreach ministry.  One!  There are hundreds built for women, one for men.  Do you see a discrepancy in that?  It seems that men are left to grieve quickly, quietly, and preferably out of sight. Men grieve too, but many of them feel isolated, alone, scared, or feel like they will be a burden.  They don't know how to unencumber themselves to someone.  1 out of 400 men under the age of forty who lose their spouse commit suicide,  many are clinically depressed, and a majority are unsaved....without the hope of the Gospel.

      My heart became burdened for something I was, a widower.  A man beset by grief but a man who refused to allow his grief to destroy him, but allow it to define him.  A man who wasn't going to waste the story of Tiff, my heartache, and my Redeemer.  Thus came the birth of Son's of the Shepherd.  Son's of the Shepherd is a ministry birthed from my pain, through the Holy Spirit, and much counsel.  I never planned to be part of a widowers ministry, let alone give birth to one unique in nature. The ministry is still in it's gestational period, growing.  Before I tell you more of the what, I want to share a little bit more of the why.

      Like most men, I assumed grief was something that happened later in life, after decades of marriage, after children were grown, after “a full life.” I certainly didn’t imagine navigating widowhood while still young, still building, still dreaming.  I mean we all know that someone in a marriage is probably going to pass away first.  More often than not it's the man.  We don't focus on death.  We don't have a morbid curiosity about dying.  Most of us aren't focused on losing our spouse because we are so alive in the present.  Until....., until a phone call changes your life, a diagnosis causes everything to crumble, a test comes back showing something scary, a freak accident that no one expected, etc.  The until is scary because at any given moment our fragile life can be ushered away into death.  Loss doesn’t ask permission.  And it doesn’t follow the timelines we expect.

      Widowhood—especially young widowhood—can feel isolating in a way that’s hard to explain unless you’ve lived it.  Becoming a young widow or widower is like learning a whole new lanaguage that no one understands but the person going through it. Friends want to help but don’t know how. Churches care deeply but often don’t have language or space for this kind of grief.  Pastors are good men, but they have an entire flock to take care of, and helping those that are grieving can be quite time consuming, and rightfully so. And men, in particular, are expected to “be strong,” move on, or quietly carry their pain without disrupting anyone else’s comfort.  This ministry exists because that silence is too heavy to carry alone.

      Young widowers live in an in-between world.  We are too old for grief groups focused on aging and retirement and we are too young to relate to peers who are planning anniversaries, vacations, and growing families.  We are often overlooked, unintentionally, by spaces that don’t know where to place us.  There is pressure to recover quickly.  Pressure to remarry or “start over.”  Pressure to be fine.  But grief doesn’t run on a schedule—and neither does healing.

      This ministry exists to say: you’re not broken, you’re grieving.  And you don’t have to do it alone.  This ministry exists to create a safe place for those that are grieving.  A place that points to hope and healing.  A place the provides presence and stability.   A place that honors the past, listens in the present, and points to the hope of the future.

      So, what will this ministry do?  First, this isn’t about fixing grief or offering clichés. It’s about walking with men who are learning how to breathe again after loss.  Here’s what I’ll be doing through this ministry:

* Creating honest content

Blog posts, reflections, and resources that speak plainly about loss, faith, anger, loneliness, hope, and rebuilding life after death changes everything.  The blogs will be posted here and eventually on an independent website which is being constructed as we speak.  The resources will also be expanding to online Bible studies via zoom and Facebook live.

* Building community for widowers

A place where men can be real—without pressure to perform strength or have answers. Grief is not weakness. It’s love with nowhere to go.  This will be built on the principal of relationships.  I will be meeting with local funeral directors, chaplains, hospitals, counselors, etc to find in roads with these men.  My goal to regularly meet with them, to love them, to encourage them, and to let them know that someone is willing to stand in the gap for them.

* Offering faith-centered encouragement

Not forced positivity, but steady reminders that God is still present—even when everything feels shattered. Scripture as a companion, not a weapon.

* Normalizing the long road of grief

Grief is not a race. There is no finish line. This space will honor the marathon.

* Speaking hope without erasing pain

Hope doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning how to carry love forward.

* Creating care packages

I will be creating care packages that will go directly to the widower.  The care packages will include custom Bibles (with hand written notes, verses highlighted, etc), coffee, devotionals, gift cards, blankets, notebooks, and other things that a man could use during his grief journey.

* Hosting workshops

I will be creating workshops to share on subjects like: Flying as a solo dad, managing your finances after loss, love after loss, asking God the big questions, and more.  These will all be focused on outreach and evangelism.

* Retreats

I will be planning and leading multiple three day retreats.  These retreats will provide men with a 'getaway' and a chance to process their grief.

* Partnership with local churches

I will be looking for partners in local churches who would be willing to provide meal trains to the men.  Most men aren't the greatest of cooks and to be fair, cooking is the last thing a man who is grieving is thinking about.

* Leading Griefshares

Leslie and I intend on leading griefshare groups multiple times a year.  Les and I have a heart for the grieving in general since we have both lost spouses, she lost her mom when she was only 15, and together we have multiple miscarriages from our first marriage.

* Central Africa focus

In the future we would like to build a curriculm for the culture of central Africa, namely Uganda.  Les has been in Uganda for ten years.  We would like to build a first of it's kind program for the people of Uganda, namely for men who have lost spouses.  This would be the first ever grief ministry of it's kind in Uganda, and there are over 2 millions widowers and widows in the country!

      So, let's go back to why I’m doing this.  Because I needed this—and couldn’t find it.  Because too many widowers feel invisible.  Because too many men suffer quietly.  Because faith and grief don’t cancel each other out.  Because love doesn’t end when someone dies.  If you’re a widower reading this, know this, you are not behind.  You are not failing.  You are not alone.  This ministry exists for you.

      And if you’re walking alongside someone who is grieving, I hope this space helps you understand, support, and love them better.  We’re taking this one step at a time—together.

      How can you help us?  First pray.  This is a big step for my family.  We are leaving a ministry and a home to step into the unknown.  This is a missionary position which means that we will need to raise support.  I will be providing a link on how you can team up with Son's of the Shepherd in the near future.  We are praying for regular financial support as we reach men who are suffering in the night watch alone.  We are also looking for finances for things like promotional material, a projector, a laptop, etc.  We are launching our social media page via Facebook and Instagram.  Soon Tik Tok videos will be coming to address the burden of grief and how to find hope through Christ.  A website will be created shortly to help make the navigating experience more streamlined.

      If you are interested in receiving email updates let us know via social media or you can email sonsoftheshepherd.ministry@gmail.com to get more information.  Please reach out if you know a widower that could use some help or a care package.  We want to faithfully walk with him every step of the way.  Thanks for loving our family and praying.  God's faithful and we are trusting Him each step of the way.