Walking With the Grieving

 Walking With the Grieving

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18

      Three weeks ago I looked down at the scale and saw the second number had changed.  I was almost the biggest that I had ever been.  I stared at that number, not in dismay, because to be fair with you, I haven't been doing a great job of taking care of myself.  Grief messes with you in so many ways, diet being one of them.  I'm far from a junk food junky, and I don't like eating fast food, but I wasn't exercising.  I determined to go to the gym.  Since then I've been walking on the treadmill 2.5 miles a day, swimming two days a week, and lifting weights.  I have never been a body builder, but I remember how much I used to lift about seven years ago.  I thought, I can probably get close to that number.  Let's just say I'm glad that no one filmed my attempt and that my 41 year old back didn't quit on me!  The weights were heavy.

      Grief is heavy too.  It's heavy in ways that no one tells you about, in ways that there is no warning.  I'm sure that a lot of us have seen warning labels on products.  Grief doesn't come with clearly written labels about how it feels and what's going to happen.  When someone we love experiences loss, words often feel inadequate, and actions may feel awkward. Yet, God calls us to be His hands and feet, offering comfort and love to those who are hurting.  But let's be honest, and I mean really honest, when was the last time we really helped a person who is grieving and mourning?  Grief can be a stigma.  It doesn't draw people to you like flies to honey.  Grief can often be a deterrent versus an attraction.  We wonder, how can I help a person who is feelings things that I don't understand?

      Well, first, helping someone who is grieving doesn’t always mean having the perfect words. Sometimes, it’s simply showing up. Sitting quietly, offering a hug, or listening without judgment can reflect God’s love more than a speech ever could. Practical ways to help include: listening more than speaking, allow the person to share memories, tears, and frustrations. Being consistent. Grief doesn’t end after the funeral. Check in regularly, even months later.  Offering practical support, meals can go a long way (especially for widowers), errands, or helping with daily tasks can relieve stress and show love.  Praying together. Invite God’s presence into the pain. Simple prayers like “Lord, bring comfort and peace” are powerful.  It doesn't have to be a long, belabored prayer.  It simply can be one from the heart.

      I want to cirle back to the idea of meals.  Since losing Tiffanie I have taken notice to other men who are widowers.  They are easy to spot if you look hard enough, most of them are older men.  I see them at Walmart.  These sweet little old men, with wrinkled faces push a shopping cart full of frozen foods, canned span, and other items that are not food for their body.  Just yesterday I was checking out behind an older man, probably in his 80's.  His cart had frozen tv dinners, off brand soda, and coffee.  That's it.  My heart broke for him.  His left ring finger was naked, which meant that he was either a lifetime bachelor, divorcee, or a widower.  Either way, grieving people need practical help.  They need the hands and feet of Jesus.

      Now, I want to remember, grief isn’t a problem to fix.  You’re not "Tim the Toolman Taylor" from Home Improvement.  Instead grief is a journey to walk alongside someone. Your presence, empathy, and love reflect Christ’s compassion.  Let me change why question from earlier, instead of asking when was the last time you helped a grieving person, let me ask, who was the last grieving person you helped?  Think of one person and come alongside them, trust me, they need it.

Reflection:

Who in your life is carrying a heavy heart today? How can you show God’s love in a way that comforts them without trying to “fix” their pain?

Prayer:

Lord, help me to be a gentle presence to those who are grieving. Teach me to listen, to love, and to bring Your comfort through my actions and words. Amen.