The Journey of Letting Go

The Journey of Letting Go

      Most people know that my family and I are in the process of moving.  Moving does not rank as one of my top ten favorite things to do....a matter of fact it doesn't rank in my top 100 things to do.  Moving requires lots of works and more patience then what I typically have in storage.  But this move is a little bit different.  This move isn't just up the road 45 minutes, this move will eventually put us in Canada, about seven hours away from everything that I've ever known.  Am I nervous?  Just a little.  Am I excited?  Overwhelmingly YES.  I am excited to bring our families together under the same roof.  Dating, being engaged, and now married while living apart has been difficult, but we can the light at the end of the tunnel.  Will I miss everyone and everything, yep (that part hasn't full sank in yet).  My kids and I have been diving through all our possessions from the last sixteen plus years.  We have donated items to the thrift store, filled dumpsters, and set aside items that we will always treasure.  One of the challenges are sentimental items from Tiffanie, items that aren't just items but are treasure troves that open up untold memories.  See, when someone we love passes away, the things they leave behind can carry immense weight. A sweater folded neatly in a drawer, a book they loved, or even a simple coffee mug can spark memories that make our hearts ache. The idea of parting with these items can feel overwhelming—or even wrong. How do you let go without feeling like you’re letting go of them?  That is a difficult question, and one that doesn't have a cookie cutter answer.

      First, it’s important to know this: you don’t have to do it all at once.  I recently met a widower who got rid of everything that his wife owned within the first few weeks of her passing.  Years later he regrets that tremendously.  Grief is not a checklist. There is no “right” timeline to sort through drawers, closets, or attics. In fact, rushing the process can sometimes hinder healing rather than help it. God’s Word reminds us that His timing is perfect, and He is with us in our pain, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3)."

      Letting go of items is part of your healing journey, not a betrayal of your loved one.  I want you to remember something extremely important, getting rid of items doesn't mean getting rid of the person.  It is not a betrayal of your love and care for them. It’s okay to take small steps. Maybe today you move one box from the closet. Tomorrow, you place a few items in a “give-away” pile. Each step is a quiet act of trust, a step toward releasing your grief to God and leaning on His comfort.  Healing is the work that the Psalmist uses.  Healing doesn't happen over night.  You might not be ready to part with an item today, but as you heal you will find that certain items don't carry the emotional weight that they once did.  I've been able to methodically get rid of certain items that one year ago would have been impossible to get rid of.

      Some families find meaning in giving items away to those who will treasure them, like friends, community members, or charitable organizations.  For me personally I've enjoyed donating some of Tiffanie's items to her favorite non-profits or to children that would treasure the clothing and toys.  Others create memory boxes to keep only a few special items close.  Some people upcycle clothing into blankets, pillows, or teddy bears.  Whatever method you choose, let it be guided by prayer, reflection, and what feels right for your heart.

      Remember, grief doesn’t have a deadline.  Read that again. Letting go of possessions doesn’t mean letting go of love. It’s simply making space for God’s hope to grow in the places that feel empty. As you take each small step, you can cling to the promise that He is near, “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me (Psalm 23:4)."

      There is a danger though when we horde items and refuse to part with them. Holding on to every item that carries a memory can quietly turn grief into a kind of emotional prison, one that we have self created. Instead of allowing memories to live in the heart, the grieving person begins to feel responsible for preserving them in objects, and the home slowly becomes a museum of loss. Each item can keep reopening the wound, preventing the mind from learning that it is possible to remember with gratitude instead of constant pain.  Let me giving you a personal example.  My grandmother passed away in 2010.  My grandfather mourned her deeply over that time.  He never touched one item from their bedroom after she died.  The clothes that we was supposed to wear stayed in the same position for over a decade.  An entire room became a tomb...a prison.  That room trapped my grandfather.  Eventually the room was invaded by mice, dust, and total disrepair.  It caused him a lot of emotional pain, but it also caused pain to my dad and brother who had to clean it up after he passed away. Healing often requires learning that love and memory are not stored in possessions, but in the life that continues forward. Letting go of some things does not mean letting go of the person, it simply allows grief to breathe and hope to return.  Your memories and items that you keep should be freeing, not imprisoning.

      Take your time. Pray over each item. Ask God to help you release the weight of your loss, trusting that He will carry your sorrow and turn it into something beautiful in His timing. Healing is a journey, and every small act of letting go is a step toward hope, peace, and life restored.  You aren't failing, you are human.