The Brain and Grief: The Great Hijacking

 The Brain and Grief

The Great Hijacking

Part Three

      I'm a sucker for old Western movies.  There is something special about watching a cowboy chase down an outlaw.  There's nothing better then watching Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Jimmy Stewart, or Henry Fonda.  The Magnificent Seven and Tombstone will always stand as some of my all time favorite pieces of cinema.  The music, the scenery, and the stories are all captivating.  But my absolute favorite part of a western movie involves trains.  I love old steam engines.  The sound of the train chugging along the tracks and the loud whistle coming from the engine draws me in every time.  Sometimes there's money on the train and the outlaws need to hijack the it in order to get the loot.  You can picture the scene.  The outlaws are in the distance, tracking the train, and then all of a sudden they rush down on their horses.  The horse is covered with sweat and frothing at the mouth.  They catch up to the train, board it, take control of the engine, and raid the train of treasure.  In that moment the train is hijacked and the engineer is no longer in control.  Someone else is directing the train.

      The same thing happens with grief.  This is the third of a seven part study of how grief affects the brain.  Again, another reminder, I am not a therapist or a counselor nor a doctor.  I'm just a simple man who has been carrying different weights of grief for over two years.  I have become a student of how grief affects the whole man, body, soul, and mind.  The affects of grief on the brain has fascinated me.  Previously we have looked at how grief can make us forgetful and can cause increased anxiety and fear.  Now I want to focus on the relationship of grief and decision making.

      The area of our brain that aids us in decision making is the prefrontal cortex.  The PFC sits at the front of the brain and helps us with reasoning, planning, emotional stability, and impulse control.  Decision making becomes extremely difficult when grief is introduced into the mix of someone's life.  People often struggle with making the most simple of decisions, ones that prior to grief were normal and expected.  Or, tasks that used to be easy have become extremely difficult.  Let me give you an example.  After Tiff passed away I struggled with getting out of bed, taking a shower, and grocery shopping was almost impossible.  For most people these tasks are a walk in the park, for me it became a trek through the valley of the shadow of death.  This neurological disruption prevents the person from being able to make easy choices or they simply feel 'stuck.'  I've heard countless widows and widowers who have reached the 'stuck' stage.  They don't know what the next step is.  This area of the brain also affects our motivation.  A person can go from being task oriented, organized, structured, and goal motivated to depressed quickly after they lose a loved one.  Some outsiders can cruelly examine the mourning person and conclude (wrongly) that the person is irresponsible or rebellious.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

      This part of the brain is normally in control of what decisions we make, but when the brain is dominated by emotions the decision making becomes skewed.  Studies have shown the PFC literally slows down during the first few months of grief.  This is called grief brain.  This is why people traditionally say you shouldn't make any rash decisions.  I agree with that theory, but also would tell you that you need to obey what the Holy Spirit asks you to do.  But there needs to be a caution when it comes to major decisions like dating, jobs, moving, etc.  The grieving person needs to remember that the brain is redirecting energy toward survival.  The brain is 'damaged' during a grief journey.  It is wounded, but in a different way.  It's not like a bodily injury that can get a Band-Aid or a cast.  It's invisible but also incredibly noticeable.  That might sound like an oxymoronic statement, but it doesn't show up in bleeding or bruising that others can see, but instead it becomes evident when a person's incentive for life dips.

      Grief affects the mind's ability to make decisions.  There cannot be an argument over that, BUT there is a force that is greater then grief, Jesus Christ.  A believer will experience the same pain, agony, and struggle with motivation that an unsaved person will have, but there is something different. The battle of the mind belongs to the Lord, and the grief stricken heart of the believer kneels at the throne of Jesus.  Each believer struggles with decision making.  We can be at war with our mind as we submit to the Holy Spirit's Lordship in our life as we grow to know Jesus better each day.  Decision making on a normal day can be hard for a believer, grief naturally complicates that.  I remember feeling that tension early in my grief journey.  I knew something wasn't right, I could feel my motivation dropping and depression creeping in.  I did seek therapy and counseling, but I also saturated myself in the Word.  One of the verses that I memorized during those early days of grief was James 1:5, 'if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all without reproach, and it will be given him."  I lacked the mental capacity to make choices.  I felt myself slipping.  So I knelt at my bed and cried out to the Lord, give me wisdom, heal my heart, help my thinking.  And the Lord answered that prayer in big and in little way.  He answered it slowly and quickly, and He is still healing my mind from the flood of grief and stress.  The Scripture tells us that He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3), but I believe the mind also needs healing.  That healing takes time and cannot be rushed.  A surgeon doesn't rush because he knows how important the patients life is.  The same can be said about God.  He is tenderly holding our broken heart and mind.  He is gently leading you to make Christ honoring, Spirt driven choices.  Don't rush the process and don't try to shrink away from your struggle.  Yes, you will forget and struggle to make choices, but there is an all wise God is will lead you through this valley too.