The Brain and Grief: When the Alarm Won't Turn Off

 The Brain and Grief:
When the Alarm Won't Turn Off

Part One

      When I was a boy my father and grandfather had to rewire his home.  Needless to say that was not a very easy job, it was quite complicated.  They had to follow certain paths to make the right connections.  It seemed like this job took a long time and needed special tender care.  Grief also does some major rewiring in the human brain.  People often equate grief as something that is purely emotional, but it is also incredibly neurological.  Grief puts the brain on overdrive, it overstimulates it, it's almost as if the brain was not created to endure such heaviness and pain.  Scientific studies now show that grief affects multiple systems of the brain at one time, which is unique because other  life experiences don't have a similar reactions neurologically.  I'm going to take some time over the next seven weeks and examine how grief affects different areas of our brain and thinking.  Now, I want to be perfectly clear, I am not a therapist, nor am I a professional counselor, but instead I have carried grief in my heart for over two years.  I might not be a doctor, but I've been a patient, so I understand the inner working of grief personally and practically.  I'm also not going to take a quick gloss over grief by just examining the psychology of the matter, but instead I want others to look at the person who is hurting and understand what is going on inside their brain.  The next seven weeks will also offer hope and Scriptural anchors as the mourning person presses forward.

      The first area of the brain that I want to look at is the amygdala.  It is a deeply important part of the brain.  It showcases the work of a Creator God who knew exactly what He was doing when He made mankind.  The amygdala is especially engaged during emotional responses and reactions.  It will light up on an x-ray when it is stimulated.  It helps us process fear, emotional pain, and it can detect threats.  It is basically the brain's alarm system.  How many of you have ever walked through a parking lot and heard a car alarm that wouldn't shut off.  It kept beeping and beeping and beeping.  It can become annoying.  That is what the amygdala does in the hurting person's brain.  It is an alarm that is overstimulated and doesn't know how to shut down.  It is screaming loudly.  It takes normal heights of emotions like fear, anxiety, and pain and over processes them.  It is literally flooded with emotion that it almost doesn't seem to know how to handle.  In that moment the brain starts to rewire itself, even if just temporarily.  It starts registering the world as unsafe and dangerous and it responds with emotions that become incredibly loud.  

      The amygdala sends louder messages to parts of the brain that are normally quieter, and it seems to silence certain areas that are normally loud.  This is why on a purely neurological level the brain processes more negative emotions then what it typically does.  So what does this state of hyper emotion look like?  How does it display itself?  How does it show up?  For me personally it was when sadness showed up like an unexpected storm, sometimes resulting in panic attacks that affected my full body.  It was like an ambush that you couldn't expect or plan.  Other people describe a feeling of being on edge, like they are always ready to react.  It can also create an overreaction to things that normally wouldn't bother a person.  It can take 'small stressors' and amplify them.  Let me give you an example; most stores that you shop in play music, but typically very quiet, making it almost unnoticeable.  Now, imagine that the music is cranked up that whole way, disturbing your ability to pay attention while you shop.  That is what grief does to the brain.  Yet another reaction is that it creates a hyper vigilant state, almost an inability to relax.  It looks like a person feeling dread, or doom, or the proverbial, what is going to happen next.  How does this affect me personally?  Well, if you were to search my internet history you will find that I google cancer symptoms on an almost daily basis.  I have wondered if I've had brain cancer, blood cancer, kidney cancer, throat cancer, oral cancer, etc.  I honestly harbor those scary feelings.  They almost create an inescapable prison that won't let me free.

      The result of all of this overstimulation is that the grieving person often feels exhausted just by going through a normal day.  They are bearing an unseen weight to others, meanwhile their brain is firing on all cylinders, preventing them from functioning at a normal level.  Sometimes these conditions can last for a long time, creating complex grief (which we will talk about later).  I want to make a clear statement right out the gate; it's totally fine to see a counselor or a therapist.  I actually highly recommend it.  I know that a lot of Christians view counseling and therapy negatively, and by doing so they prevent healing in the life of a person.  The brain needs a doctor just like the rest of our body.  No pastor in his right mind would tell someone in his church that had diabetes to merely pray about it, he would recommend seeing a doctor.  The same can be said about the mind.  The mind can be broken, and IT IS NOT a sign of weakness to seek help.  It not against Scripture or non-biblical to see a therapist.  

      I recommend therapy to each grieving person, but I also recommend certain things for their spiritual man.  Since grief affects the whole person, then the whole person needs help.  Grief affects the amygdala, the fear and anxiety center of the brain.  What verses that help rewire the brain back?  What are some anchor verses that a Christian can cling to in those moments?  Isaiah 41:10 says "So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  God tells the people whose brains were obviously over stimulated by fear to take heart, because He was with them and would never abandoned them.  He declares, even in the face of fear, I AM YOUR GOD.  He will uphold us.  Psalm 56:3 says in it's simplicity that when I am afraid, I will trust in you.  There are countless other verses that we could apply to our spiritual life when we face fear, anxiety, and the unknown.  These verses help get the brain settled, refocused, and regulated.

      If you are grieving I want you to hear my words, I understand.  This is a safe space to know that you are heard, valued, and loved.  Your brain is overstimulated, not because you are weak, but because you are a human being bearing an unfathomable load.  You are not failing, you are grieving.  Seek the Lord's face, talk to Him often in prayer, journal, talk with others, dig deep in the Word, and seek professional help.  Fear does not have to have the final say.  It might be loud, but I promise you that it will not be louder then the Lord's presence in your life.  Or maybe you are just loving on someone who is suffering, take these words to heart and hopefully they will help you to understand why the sorrowful person is the way they are.  There is hope and healing for those that are hurting.